Update on my request for relationship failure data:

Based on not that many data points (12, across 9 people), plus years of reading r/relationships, I see three clusters of breakups among relationship-escalator couples who broke up after moving in together:

  1. Problems identified within a few months of living together (e.g., housekeeping standards)
  2. Slow drips of dissatisfaction (nothing is too bad, but at two years in you’re still not excited enough to marry them and so you break up)
  3. Surprise revelations that could have come at any time, perhaps made easier to catch by the day-to-day intimacy of sharing a home (e.g., lying about failing out of school),

I would like to be able to share more about my data, but due to privacy concerns cannot. This may also limit my ability to answer questions in the comments.

If you would like to add an example, especially a counter-example, to my data set, feel free to comment here or email me at elizabeth-at-this-domain

When Did You Learn Your Relationship Dealbreaker?

People who have lived with and subsequently broken up a with a partner you would have married had things gone well: what did you (or they) learn that changed your (their) mind, and how long had you lived together when it was discovered?

Common wisdom is live together for a year before making future plans, but I’m trying to figure out where the inflection points actually are.

Feel free to e-mail (elizabeth-at-this-domain) or comment anonymously if you want to share but don’t want it to be public.

So far I have eight pieces of data from five people, and have an idea about a trend but need more data to confirm it.