Reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last

This has been a hard year, and I thought it would be done by now, but it’s not.  Objectively I’m in a much better state than I was in June, but I got really bad news at the surgeon’s yesterday.  I’m not dying, it’s fixable, but my new projections fr when it is fixed are much worse than my old projections and that feels terrible.

One good thing about this year is that my observer-self has gotten much stronger, especially when measured in real time.  This translates to being more aware and more able to acknowledge outside events and how I feel about them.  I would like to do more of this in the coming year.

This isn’t a New Years Resolution so much as the type of experiment I try all the time, and now happens to be New Years.  But: I’ve had trouble getting to sleep.  Could be pain, could be low exertion during the day, could be screen usage (h/t: Iodine).  I don’t find a study of 12 that had people read for 4 hours before bed particularly compelling, nor do I consider a 10 minute delay in sleep statistically significant, but…  I’m going to try no screens after midnight.  Even if the blue light effect is bullshit, I think there’s a good chance limiting myself to a few modes of entertainment, as opposed to infinite and instantaneous variety, will lead to more thoughtfulness and more sleep. If it goes well I may push the deadline up or put a cap on total screen time.

Complication: I’m not sure reading counts as a calming activity if you read things like The Child Catchers and The New Jim Crow.  I have trouble finding books that are both interesting and calming.  That may also be a thing to work on.

3 thoughts on “Reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last”

  1. Ugh, I’m sorry you got bad news.

    Do you know about programs like f.lux and Twilight that change the kind of light your devices produce?

    1. Thanks. I know me well enough to know that this is the worst I will ever feel about it, but right now it feels pretty bad.

      I have them both and didn’t notice a behavioral difference in me. The screen bedtime is less about controlling blue light and more about reducing the number of things I could do from “infinity” to a number small enough I have space to get bored and sleepy.

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